Sweet Home...California

3 weeks is the perfect amount of time I need to transition back into life.
I love the sunny weather, the dry desert heat. I appreciate that I don't have to give a fake smile to people while walking down the street. I walk everywhere, and I'm no longer stranded in The Big City Filled With Nothing. (aka Atlanta, Georgia). Even though I'm not the biggest fan of L.A., I can still manage to fit in and feel normal. I love seeing Jews everywhere, I love the fact that there is no humidity, I love the palm trees and I love the Hollywood hills. Yep, I'm halfway home.

In all this free time I've been thinking a lot about my future. I have so many insecurities, dark thoughts that enter my head informing me "whatever I would like to happen won't" and it's also unrealistic in our "economic crisis". Did I make the right choice? Should I try to make a change and move? Am I going to the right place, will I be working the right jobs... Well... What is it you actually really want to do anyway? No seriously, what are you doing with your life?

Well, the answer I have is that I guess no one is ever really sure what they're doing. We can all start one way and end up in another place. I trusted in my gut feeling when I decided. It's only let me down once before, so "it" and I are still on a pretty good track.

I'm going to Australia soon. Before I leave, I'll try to pull some strings and get a good camera. My handy dandy canon powershot no longer has a flash and the buttons are beginning to wear. Next thing you know I'll be blogging from down under.

hehe.

From l.a.

One step at a time

It's gonna take time

I woke up today with a positive feeling. It was my first real Sunday off since Hebrew School ended and I had the chance to sleep in and take it easy. Around 10:30 I sat outside on the front porch to drink my coffee and watch the world turn round. As I spied on the morning joggers, kids riding bikes and dogs being walked, I felt this feeling of good fall upon my shoulders.

So many things have been on my mind lately. My thoughts are racing, electric currents zap from one corner to the other. I seem to be planning my future according to those that I already know of. But I have to stop, I have to create my own life. If I don't like what I see happening, then I can use all the power I have to create what I want. Sometimes I forget that. Most of the time I feel powerless.


My dreams have also been very intense. It began with dreams of actually being in Israel (no this isn't another zionist post). I was walking down the main street in Tsfat, I was there, experiencing all the same noises and smells.
I dreamed of friend I haven't seen in ages and we spoke of old times and caught up to our current lives. I dreamed I was so skinny and lost too much weight and had to be hospitalized (coincidentally I ate pizza for dinner that night).

Maybe we are just breakable, amidst a time of uncertainty and insanity. But if I want something I have to push for it. I need to fight for my dreams, I mustn't forget why I came here.

From Yaara's wedding

Almost done now.

I am a mountain...

We're learning about mountains in preschool, in honor of shavuos.
I would probably try to come up with better posts and put up new pictures, but with my internet out at home - its becoming such a shlep. You'll have to bear with me for about 3 more weeks. I'm counting down to the end and it's making me a little bit anxious. No more having to smile at strangers, no more having to make lesson plans. yes yes yes yes yes.

From masada

From Tveria

From Golan Heights

From Israel Travels

From Amuka

From Life is dandy

Bonne Appetite

From Israel Travels

dinner.

Hush

From Georgia

Life is running on a quiet motor, a hushed buzz. It's continuous but numbing and puts me to sleep. I need energy, people, events. I need strange, humorous, elegant, horrid. I need a change and a challenge. Some type of booster, a push and a pull.

Everything has been feeling invisible, my goals are blurred and I hate muggy rain and thunder storms.